...

so things are bad.
hey it's life

michael might not be able to go to woodland anymore.
he moved out of the school disrict and they didn't accept his transfer.
:(

but he is number ten of our class and in three clubs

i know i will fail math and physics if he isn't there to help me and most likely we won't last.

we will only be able to see each other on the weekends and i know his mom wont let him spend every weekend with me. so.... :(
he'll find a beautiful girl at stockbridge that he can see everyday. like we used to.

fml.

ahhhh summer

i miss my love.
i want it to come home to me

must all my summers feel this way.
a whole month and a half without seeing him.

i feel as if my heart will melt

almost done though yayayayayayayay

got my car. been driving a lot.
i love it

my fun summer is soon to be happening!

really should get started on my summer work though

yeah life. aint it good

hey so....
im hapy :)
i got my knight in shining armor back.

yeah roadds get rough
but eventually the rain will stop pouring

michael is currently remaining in california and miss the crap out of him :P

i think my past is catching up with me now though
i dont know what i want
he was suppose to stay in my past.
forget it its stupid

I love my michael!
i cannot wait for him to come home but i won't see him that day or the next.
i dont think his mom wants me too :(

but july 11th i am suppose to attend his uncles wedding so i will see him then :)

current status:[[missing his hugs and kisses]]

is today one year????

well we got back together a week ago....

today i suppose to be our one year.
i dont know if it still is

i mean when most couples take a break, after it is over and they are back together they go on with their relationship as if the break never happened.

but michael said we are starting all over...
i dont know what that means.
like so our one month will be on the 9th now
wtf
we've been going out for 355 days now not a week and a day...

but today was suppose to be an amazing day i just dont know if it's ours. :(
i want it to be

but i cant push him anymore. whatever happens happens
and i cant complain cuz he'll think im sad and he hates when im sad


...it's kinda weird cuz when we weren't going out he would be so sweet and flirty to me and then we started going back out and it's all like a routine again.
like he's more my boyfriend when he's not
or he is more into me when im not his.

but i love him
and we're back together and thats what i wanted so who am i to ask for more than that.....

5-17-08??? still ours???

5-17-08 to 4-28-09 FML

yeah... it's true
i lost the best thing in my life
we is my world but now its over.

i just want to get back together already.....
why dont we? you said you still love me just not the same
you say you like me
you say sometimes you wish we wouldn't have broken up
but we still are apart

i hate it so much
i miss you so bad
i love you so much

i just want to be back in your arms
i wanna feel special
i wanna be loved
i want MY michael

........fml.........

i need you
my stomach hurts so bad
i miss everything we had
:'( i suck so much

how could i let this happen
i am a horrible person the worst person
beware everyone....
STAY AWAY

im an idiot
i wish everything was different
but i cant change it

im in love with my best friend
and all i want is to be with him again
FML (FUCK MY LIFE)

spring break sucks :(

It hurts so bad i want to scream.
I dreamed that we were at school Monday at our lockers and you held me extra long to make it stop hurting and also for i would feel better because i was upset that you didn't come see me all week.

i miss you

I contemplated sneaking out again only because I knew that if i just saw you it would help, but then I knew that you wouldn't want me to.

half the time I'm mad. Mad that youonly text me late at night when you are about to fall asleep, and that you can't find even an hour to come see me.
And the other half of my time I'm sad. Sad that I miss you. Sad that my stomach hurts so bad. Sad that i never get those random sweet texts anymore like :"hey beautiful i just wanted to tell you i miss you and i love you. I will talk to you as soon as i can." Sad that i lay in my bed at night crying because my stomach hurts like Hell. Crying also because I know it will be a good 24 hours before I see you again. The pain is almost unbarable anymore.

I need you. Can't you see that?
I cannot wait to see you Monday.
-only i know Monday will be like anyother day and you won't say anything about this week and how horrible it was for you to not see me. Thats okay though...I understand?
I love the crap out of you baby!

one week from today is our 11 months. Im pretty excited.

Your moving next week babe. So i guess you not coming with me this saturday then?
Oh well I will go alone. I wish i could come help you move but I have to go because I said i would. I'll miss you.
I wonder when the next time you will come to my house will be. You know you haven't come over since February.

I love you.
so much

The Story of a Dreamer

I burn like an inferno
flames of desire
keepin my hope up
and my dreams even higher
my life is like a ferris wheel spinning round and round
my life is like an elevator going up and down
my family and friends back me up
I hope God will protect me before I get shot up
I have to stay in school and get my education
though i would like to get out and go on a vacation

I don't want to ruin my life or go bad
I appreciate everything I ever wanted or had
my mind is like a machine working hard everyday
Even when I chill or go out and play
My mom gave me life, so full of joy
My dad can't wait to cuss out those knucklehead boys

I hope for world peace; no more war
But everyone has heard that before
God is good, he has been there for me
The pearly white gate of heaven I long to see

I know family will be there
Because God is merciful and fair
Even though if I only touch one person that'll do

Even if that one person is you.

~written by Melanie Bradix, a really good friend of mine. She has definately touched me. She is probably the only friend that I have known for this long. She is amazing :)

♥

HE IS MY EVERYTHING

im done chasing false dreams.you're worth all i've got but im spent so baby show me you want this and i'll give it my all.

never give up on the one you love.

i miss you so much baby!
I love you from the bottom, top, and every space in my heart.
You are my world.
I will love you forever.
Please come over tomorrow.... just call me!

MWAH!

I just hope i get to see you over this spring break...
why didn't we makes plans?...
I wonder how long it will be before we talk again....
Fabi said maybe you would care more if you thought you could lose me. only i can't do that. i don't know if it is because it would hurt me too much to even think of that, or if i did and you still didn't care and how much that would hurt.

i love you with all my heart but lately it just seems like you dont want to be with me. :(
If you don't then okay. I understand, but I need to know.
I need to know if your whole heart is still in this relationship.

Im going shopping for prom dresses today, but if you don't really want to go then I don't see the point. :( kind having a bad day today so far i guess because nobody talks to me anymore...not even my own boyfriend. I hope that changes. I miss you so much.

this picture is what i miss. I miss when you would hold me bucause you just want to be close to me. I miss your big warm hugs. Now I only get little short ones. You seem different and I don't know why. I don't know what i did to change how you felt about me. I just want you to love me as much as you have ever loved me and not any less.
I love Michael Nathaniel Diaz with all my heart. More than I have ever loved anyone and that will not change. He is my world. ♥

Music is the Ultimate Speech

the world communicates using various languages. However, there is one language that speaks to us all. There is not a single human on Earth that can listen to music without it touching their souls.
We often us music to express how we feel. The first thing you do when you are mad and just want to scream, is run to your room and turn the music up real loud. When you are sad, most will listen to a slow sad song so that they won't feel so alone. When you love someone and you listen to any song, every line will remind you of them.
Music says the words that your heart feels. When you listen to a certain song and it's about how you feel, every single word and line explains exactly what your hearts feels. It's like you want to say something and it is on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't get it out right. Then you sit there with the melody of rhymes running through your head and it's perfect.
No matter where you are, who you are, where you come from, or what nationality you are music touches everyone.
To me it's like a hug sort of. Like when i listen to some songs, I will get chills and butterflies in my stomach. Only it isn't the bad scary kind of butterflies. It is the type that you get when you are excited and all your insides go warm. Like when you find out that the boy you have liked for a long time likes you back. Or when you have just accomplished something great and everyone is so proud of you.
Music is my saving grace. I know that it is always there and a simple rhyme can cheer up my day.
I know one song that comes to mind as i think of those butterflies. It is "The River Flows In You". This song sends chills down my spine everytime I hear it's sweet melody. I love music. I love that it is just something I can enjoy now.
Being in band this year made me lose that love for a little while. Now that that is almost over I am gaining my appreciation for songs back. Band makes music a requirement and not something that I really enjoy, but I will always love music.
Music is the world-wide language in which everyone may understand.

~sarah ♥ ;)

COKE BABIES!!!!!!!

soccer sliders

soccer today was so much fun. i mean we got mercied but we had so much fun!

it was Woodward Academy and they have mercied every team they have played except for one=Merry persons and they beat them 9-0 so close enough.

but what was fub was tthat EVERYTHING was wet! so everyone was slipping and sliding all over the place. Plus the reffs were so old that they hardly saw anything. tons of people got side tackled! haha

and michael like face planted into the mud after heading the ball HAHAH!
wow though. it was just an awesome game.

stupid rich kids don't know how to have fun. who cares. we don't have to wear no ugly uniforms.

i had a pretty good day overall today. just not looking forward to writing two essays tomorrow in 1st period. ugh.

I LOVE YOU MEEKO! MWAHS!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

the worst weekend :(

ever feel like nobody cares about you?

yeah it sucks when someone you want to talk to just ignores you doesn't it.

sadest thing is i know tomorrow at school i'll have to act like my weekend was fine and nothing bothered me. all the while inside i'll be so mad that i got blown off all weekend.

all weekend and not a single word. not until midnight saturday niht a whispering 20 second long goodnight. guess that's all im worth.
oh well

since then still no word. no call. nothing im just sitting here with this stupid pain in my stomach that i hate so much. i should probably go back to the doctor.

and you can't say that you had no time to call me b/c i know you did. i heard you over the phone when i was talking to your mom. ten minutes no not even that. 5 minutes is all it takes just 5 minutes to say hey i miss you and i love you.

but i don't even get that. i get 20 seconds of whispering that i could barely understand. :'(
i guess this is how every weekend is going to be now so i should just get used to feeling that nobody cares about me. oh well thats life right.
everybody's heart has to be broken sometime. lest mine has been broken once before so i know what it feels like.

is that what's going to happen now? it seems like it i guess. maybe i should start preparing. start not caring how much it hurts for you to sit there and ignore me so that when you find that not talking to me doesn't bother you and you just don't care and leave me, then maybe it won't hurt so bad.

but i can't love you less. it hurts too bad already. i love you too much and i'll never leave. i just wish you cared about how much i love you. i wish you could see that i can't live without you.
i wish you felt the same way for me that i feel for you.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

and i can't wait to see you tomorrow. eventhough most would be so mad at you all i want is to hug you and be in your arms. :'(
and if you really don't love me anymore then please just tell me what's wrong with me and I'll fix it i promise. i can change i can be a better girl for you. I'll do anything just please love me.

♥

i love you michael nathaniel diaz!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

that is all i have to say!
you make me SO happy! :D i can't help but smile when i look at you!

MWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know i usually only talk to people or complain to people about the bad things.
like when me and Fabi talk it's usually what last michael did that i didn't like.

but all the bad things are so far outnumbered by the good.
he is an amazing boyfriend.

yeah sometimes it does bother me when he won't hold me when im with him like i see a lot of other poeple doing. cuz they look so happy.
but i guess i don't need that to be happy with him. i love him.
his presense is all i need.

it bothers me when people ask if we have ever kissed or anything cuz they've never seen.
idk. i never notice until they say something cuz we do all the time. just not in public i guess.

but yesterday was amazing.
on the way home from the game, he held me so close and kissed me :)

i love when he kisses my head. like if he is holding me and then he will kiss my hair or somrthing it feels so good. he is so sweet! :D ♥

i love him. next tuesday=10 months!
your the best baby!
mwah!

Lloro por ti

Soñando que lo nuestro tiene algún remedio

Lloro por ti

Porque no dejo de pensar cuánto te quiero


te amo meeko!

the path has changed

so i know i talk about a certain someone perhaps more than necessary as if that's all i have in life.
he's just the most important person in it :)
so sorry i talk so much about him. haha

so many people would say that i am giving up an "amazing thing" or whatever but im not going to do band this coming year.

i just don't like it :( im not happy in it
it's so pointless to play the same thing everyday over and over for months and months for one concert that only our parents come to watch.

im not even going to use band sfter i graduate.
it is a waste of my time.
i should be doing something else to help me get to what i want to do when i graduate.



i want to do something along the lines of global economics or international affairs and spanish.
yeah yeah i know "oh you just wanna do it cuz you have a mexican boyfriend"
but it's not that.

i love spanish. it is so amazing being able to talk in another language and communicate with people.

and i like being at the top of my class in something.
yeah i may not be able to speak perfect spanish but i can understand it well and im learning.

dinner with the dad

HE LIKES ME! IHE REALLY LIKES ME!

so michael's dad is like so cool.
at first he didn't say much so i was like "okay awqward"
but we went out to dinner last m=night and he was so great.

i had a blast.
then he invited me back to their house and we played videogames until 11 when sadly i had to go home.

but it was awesome!

Meet the Diaz's

so today was interesting.
michael's dad is in GA and i met him.
...when michael left me with him........ ah!

so im looking at this guy and he seems pretty cool.
reminds me a lot of michael :)

but something wasn't right.

earlier jacob was sitting with michael's parents while me and michael were at soccer.
Jacob text me and told me that his dad brought up the subject of last summer and all it's "insanity" *coughcough*
that stinks.
i mean yeah it's the only real memeory that this guy has of me and sadly it isn't good. it's horrible actually.

so im standing there and trying to read his eyes the way i can read michael's. I felt like that was all he was thinking the whole time.
luckily he spoke first so i wasn't too anxoius to get the awqward night over with.
he was geniunely nice.

manuel:"hello how are you?"
sarah:"hey im pretty good and you"
manuel:"good thanks"

-end of conversation-
hahahahahahahahahahahaha :)
this makes me laugh.

but im still unsure as to whether he likes me or not.
i mean i can tell he doesn't not like me but im not sure if he could forget about last summer. :( guess thats my own fault. over the summer i went through a major lap of stupidity. haha

oh well the past is the past.

overall= good day...i think i guess i'll find out whenever michael text me and tells me what his dad thinks for real. :)

bad day! good week!

i swear that day last october comes back to haunt me all the time!
it sucks. but oh well.

it's not that i don't trust him it's just... more of not trusting his heart.
or not wanting to lose his heart...again.

so yeah today=bad day but it's gotten a bit better.
tomorrow= GAME!!!

our soccer team be kicking ass this year! raping stockbridge 7-0
that what im talking about.

really wanna read Duma Key! wish i had that book

saturday is michael's birthday. i don't think im going to get to see him. that sucks! :( that is definately going to ruin my saturday.

getting tooth pulled out tomorrow! finally.
mommy checked me and michael out yesterday:) he went with me to the dentist! :D how sweet! and we went out to eat!

im sorry
i know that sometimes i get in that mood where i seem to only look at the negative things.
everyone has those days. i hate them. i feel like shit!

i only really get there when i don't feel good or it's that time(you know what i mean)

i guess im meanest to michael.
especially when it's those days.
today was that day for me i guess.

i mean...ugh... im gonna just let it out and im sorry if it sounds mean and is hurtful....

i guess it's just this past week but i felt like michael didn't want me anymore.
today he kissed me twice. usually i get at least four or five. :(
and then i was freezing cold at soccer practice and before it started everyone was just sitting around and he wouldnt hold me like he normally would.
and then like i look around and jaz is with michelle, and corey is with ashlynn.
i guess i just felt like everyones boyfriend cared about them except mine. :(

i know thats a horrible thing to say cuz i know he loves me... i love him so much.
just today i felt like "i wish he really wanted to be with me", the way i wanna be with him. i just want to feel...?.. loved, needed, wanted, cared for.
and i do sometimes. a lot. just not recently really.

i think it only really hurt me cuz i felt that same way right before Will broke up with me. well a little different though. i didn't feel like he loved me. and that stinks cuz i hate when michael reminds me of Will. it's scary.
i really don't want to lose him. i love him... SO MUCH!

it's just one of those days.
and i don't want to tell him... not how i feel about his actions.

i want him to do what he wants.
well... no. i want him to hold me and hug me and kiss me cuz HE wants, not b/c i tell him.
and thats how i always feel. like he changes b/c of what i say. it lasts about two or three days and then it's the same again. so whats the point. that is just how he is and i can't change that.

but i love him. and if that is how he is then ill change and get used to it. i don't want to change him. that is wrong. but i will change for him.
ill grow up and stop complaining everytime i feel like this.
so what if other couples around us are all cutesy flirty.
we don't have to be that way.

im fine with that.
i love him.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

update/news/excertps

so weeks off can get really boring. i don't like them. i like seeing my friends and especially michael everyday.
im writing a short story for him.
it's not finished but i think its really good.

excerpt:
Ups and downs are only the points of highlight on a rollercoaster but my story is about the twists and turns that get you to those nausiating moments.
excerpt end

i once told myself that i refuse to be one of those girls who wear their emotions on their sleeves. i don't wish to have to constantly wear a mood ring so people know whether or not it's safe to approach me.
i just wanna be me and yes i have my ups and downs i just don't like sharing them with too many poeple.

news:
*michael's dad is coming to georgia next month and i am meeting him.
at first i was really scared. i was nervous and i thought "what if he didnt like me either?"
but i've been talking to him lately and im not that scared anymore.

*michael's mom actually said she likes me now. WOW. i never thought she'd say that. things are looking better now. im happy.

*so far i've seen michael every other day over this break.i thought it would be horrible and id miss him like crazy. well i do the days i dont see him but it isnt like im going a week without seeing him.

*9 MONTHS SINCE LAST TUESDAY!!! I AM SO ECSTATIC! HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM AND BE HERE FOR HIM. HE IS THE BEST BOYFRIEND. I COULDNT ASK FOR ANYONE BETTER!


im happy with my life right now and i don't want anything to change.
except i really really want this book called DUMA KEY by:stephen king!!!!!!!!!
and i want to get my tooth pulled already! ugh.
other than that im good with the way things are. :)

love you michael ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

SLEEP?...no sex

why does it always have to do with sex?
why can't i just sleep next to him?
i've fallen asleep many many times on him.

i know my bounaries and i know how far i can push myself and when to stop.
so... why can't i just sleep next to him?

i wish i could fall asleep in his arms and wake up to those arms still around me.
i fell asleep. he was there. a bad dream? oh yes... and i awoke but he wasnt tere.

he makes me feel so safe. he protects me from the others at school. when other guys would hit me. it's only play but he keeps me safe.
and when im cold he keeps me warm. when my stomach attacks me he makes it better.

he cares for me and that makes me smile. im happy when he's near.

i only wish i could fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his smile.
but whay can't i sleep next to him?
ill tell you why...

because society has made it where, if two people of the opposite sex sleep together then somehow sex is always involved.

our promise: we wouldn't have sex until we're old enough and have enough money for if i do get pregnant we can pay for the baby.

why is this so weird? i love this promise and im so happy that we can have a relationsip that is based on more than sex.





I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND! AND EVERYTHING HE DOES FOR ME. NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK. HE IS THE BEST TO ME! :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

ALWAYS by my side

so i know sometimes i get in that mood where i feel like everything goes wrong. who doesnt sometimes?

all i know is that everytime that hppens he's always there.
by my side.
protecting me from the cruel world we live in.
i love him.

you know that saying "if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best" ? well let me tell you... he's there.

he's seen me at my worst, my best, my happiest, and my saddest.
no matter what happens he is ALWAYS there. helping me through it.

oh dear God how i love him.
and oh how he loves me too.

i told him... everything.
and he didnt run. why didnt he run?
they would have. the ones from my past.
how glad am i that he didnt run.

he is unlike anyother i've ever known.
i never want to know another heart the way i know his.
♥

? TABS ?

so...
have you ever felt that your boyfriend is ashamed of you?

i have. i think im being stupid though. he's not a bad boyfriend. he's the best boyfriend iv'e ever had and i couldnt or wouldnt ask for anyone else.

sometimes i just get the feeling that maybe he doesnt like me as much as i thought or want.

ex: i wont tell everyone what it means cuz its special to me but i gave him my tab today. and never got my kiss. :(
he wont kiss me, or hug me after 5th period or right before 6th. after soccer he hugged me goodbye but then i still got no kiss. He knew i was already upset but didnt try to make me happier like usual. I wonder if it's cuz there were people behind us and he didnt want them to see. :(

i wanna be with him. i REALLY want to be with him. if i didnt i could have left him when he liked her. :' ( oh god, i've done it now. i just hurt myself again. everytime i think about that day it kills me. i didnt eat, i didnt sleep, i had no medicine and i got what i asked for.
paramedics surrounding my body and ,me unconcious.
where was he? i dont know. just not there. with me.

My body cannot stand to be without him. it hurts so bad, i can hardly breath sometimes. the pain in my stomach overtakes me, i get so weak, and then everything goes black.
I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. he makes me smile. and he knows me so well. he see's through the mask that i constantly wear. if i say im fine he knows im lying. how? i dont know. nobody else does. he just KNOWS.

my boyfriend is amazing and i love him with every single bit of my heart.
i'll never leave him even when he hurts me. i never left him and i never will. i hope he sees it this way too. i want him to love me.
i know he does. i just wish he would show me that he does.

not show me like being alone show me, but SHOW me. by the little things he does. alone and in public. just to be mine and not hide it. i want him to be proud to be my boyfriend. =/

on one note

you ever get those days when you feel that you're just not good enough?
today's that day... =/

so many times i've been told otherwise but i cannot stop believing that michaek's mom doesnt like me.

today: she said she was picking michael up for soccer. i ussually take him home. so i think okay whatever thats fine.
then as soccer begins i text her that we get out at 6:15.
she says to me "does michael want me to pick him up?"
me: "u told him you were so i guess. but if you can't then we can take him. it's up to you."
her: "ill be there"

i know i couldnt hear her but that doesnt sound to me like she likes me.
ugh. guess it's just my head again. sometimes i think im being stupid. i want for her to like me so bad i'll do anything.
and then i feel that no matter what i do, it won't help. i screwed up, and i can't change how she feels about me. :(

tampa trip

it was great. i had a lot of fun.
busch gardens was awesome yeah i admit at first i was afraid to ride some of the rollercaosters but i did it.
i rode every single one of them and it was terrific!
sheikra was awesome!

new years was awesome!
i got kissed under fireworks!!!
MICHAEL IS GREAT!
i love my christmas present he got me! its so cute!

um so i really think im going to fail chemistry this year :(
that sucks