im sorry
i know that sometimes i get in that mood where i seem to only look at the negative things.
everyone has those days. i hate them. i feel like shit!

i only really get there when i don't feel good or it's that time(you know what i mean)

i guess im meanest to michael.
especially when it's those days.
today was that day for me i guess.

i mean...ugh... im gonna just let it out and im sorry if it sounds mean and is hurtful....

i guess it's just this past week but i felt like michael didn't want me anymore.
today he kissed me twice. usually i get at least four or five. :(
and then i was freezing cold at soccer practice and before it started everyone was just sitting around and he wouldnt hold me like he normally would.
and then like i look around and jaz is with michelle, and corey is with ashlynn.
i guess i just felt like everyones boyfriend cared about them except mine. :(

i know thats a horrible thing to say cuz i know he loves me... i love him so much.
just today i felt like "i wish he really wanted to be with me", the way i wanna be with him. i just want to feel...?.. loved, needed, wanted, cared for.
and i do sometimes. a lot. just not recently really.

i think it only really hurt me cuz i felt that same way right before Will broke up with me. well a little different though. i didn't feel like he loved me. and that stinks cuz i hate when michael reminds me of Will. it's scary.
i really don't want to lose him. i love him... SO MUCH!

it's just one of those days.
and i don't want to tell him... not how i feel about his actions.

i want him to do what he wants.
well... no. i want him to hold me and hug me and kiss me cuz HE wants, not b/c i tell him.
and thats how i always feel. like he changes b/c of what i say. it lasts about two or three days and then it's the same again. so whats the point. that is just how he is and i can't change that.

but i love him. and if that is how he is then ill change and get used to it. i don't want to change him. that is wrong. but i will change for him.
ill grow up and stop complaining everytime i feel like this.
so what if other couples around us are all cutesy flirty.
we don't have to be that way.

im fine with that.
i love him.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥