spiderman & tampa

so i dont know whats wrong with my profile haha it's like it keeps getting bigger.
weird
um so i just looked up our hotels for the tampa trip
sheraton suites tampa airport

i have to say if i wasn't already excited enough
I AM SO excited!!!!!
they are soooooo nice!

i miss everyone! its sooo boring right now!
wish christmas was here then id have new stuff to mess with at least.

um... just wanted to declare my love for spiderman! hahaha
he's awesome!
except im mad at him right now!
he slept w/ michael last night!

and michael is bringing him on the trip...
i think a little spider is going to die on 12-29-08

sorry. :D hahaha you guys are probably like what? haha michael understands and you probably will on the trip too

im kinda obsessed with spiderman. strange i know! oh well

see you all on 12-29-08! remember your socks and shoes! ;)

feliz navidad

7 months today and half day! perfect right?
that's what i thought too until i got home
OMG it is soooo freakin boring.
michael's mom wouldnt let him come over
im waiting to go to jacobs church for the christmas party.

freakin free unlimited pizza
heck yes
im so there.

only four more exams! i can't wait.
i belive i passed both of the ones for today.

im so excited for the break!
christmas and the trip to tampa!

omg life is good!
im so happy now

random update.

things are changing. getting better...

i know everyone tells me that michael is too overprotective but i love that about him. At least he cares about me. I don't really care what you think. He's perfect for me and im happy thats all that matters.

you ask why i tell him things. things like what other guys do to me when he isnt around? well i want him to always trust me. I would want to know if another girl did anything to him. I tell him everything and i love how open i can be with him.

im stressing over finals BIG TIME i have to i need to pass!!
science fair is killing me! XP

almost 7 months! awww!

one more week of school left!!! YAY!!!!
then we gots christmas and the trip to tampa!!!!!!

then..... T leaves me
:'( it sucks!

I love my friends and i wouldnt give them up for anything in the world!

new years

i was just thinking about the band trip for new years.

i am so freakin excited!!!! it's going to be so much fun!
i wish it was next week!
well i promised myself i wouldnt do this but i ruined my christmas ahahaha again

every year whenever my parents would leave us kids at home we would unwrap our presents and then rewrap them so we know what we got already.
and i didnt want to ruin my christmas this year but too late. hahaha '

it sucks but im excited to get my presents.

i hate breaks. weeks off of school are so sos o boring!

ugh i want to pack for the trip already but ill wait hahaha.
see you guys tomorrow!

optimism!

so....
6 freakin months baby! <3
im so happy.
michael is just amazing!

i met Radio! :D
haha from the movie! yay!
except it was the real guy that the story is based on!
which is even cooler!

daddy gave me an early christmas present!
shh! don't tell mom hahaha

i dont really know why but i am extremely happy.
last week was THE worst week ever. just felt like one bad thing after another. idk
but im rather optimistic this week :D

:D :d :D :P :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)))) :D yay!
ps. just so you know and if you didn't.............. i love michael
8D

worst day

....
she's moving
.....

my best friend
......
my other half
......
across the country
.....
D=
....
life sucks!....

='(

michael is all thats left of me

not much to say just another boring day. <3

uh... IT"S ALMOST 6 MONTHS!!!!! yay
i just saw a picture today of us like the week we started going out.
hahahhahaahahaha omg we look different!

when he hugs me and then like looks me in the eyes and idk seems like he is searching them for an answer... but then he simply wispers "i love you"

WOW he sends shivers down my spin. like i can't even explain.
i love this kid so much.
i wonder what he is thinking when he looks in my eyes. probably the same things i am.

a lot of people get scared when they are with someone for this long...
should i be??? IM NOT
is that bad??? IDK
should i worry??? WHO KNOWS... but im not.

i don't see us ending anytime soon. if i did then i would worry, but i love him and he loves me and im not scared. not at all.

also... a lot of people describe their relationship as a fairy tale...
WHY? i dont get it...
i was never into princesses but didn't they usually start of bad and end perfect?
wasn't the girl like helpless and he came and rescued her?

i saw that Enchanted movie and the girl fell in love wiith someone else.
THAT DEFFINATELY DIDN'T HAPPEN WITH US.
i was always happy with michael.

i am excited about it being a half a year!!!
thats the longest i've ever been with someone and im so happy with him. <3

scrabble is fun!

my best friends!!!!!!!! :

??? hugs ??? only for michael

ok so i get mad when people besides michael hug me.
idk why i just really do.

i wouldn't want to see him hugging on another girl
so im not going to go hugging on some other guy.

i mean if you really want to hug me then it's a short hug and go.
don't hold on and squeeze me!

i like when michael is the last guy to hug me.
im sorry if it affends anyone when i don't hug them or i shy away when they try to hug me.
it just feels weird.

sorry. and i dont think it's tupid you may but thats your decision.

p.s. if you are the person ( and he knows who he is) that hugged me and i texted you apologizing then wtf! why are you going around talking about it behind my back. i heard you and people are coming up to me and asking me about it.

it's especially weird to me when you hug me cuz we have a past...
i just don't like it sorry.
you may think it's gay. oh well. i don't
you wanted to be friends again. (then stop talking bout me!)
im happy with michael!

and yeah i tell him when any guy touches me.
i want to tell him before anyone else does and twists it around.
I need him to know the truth so he knows he can trust me.

i really wantt o be friends with all you guys but being friends doesn't have to consist of touching me. sorry.
thats all i guess.

life is good

so life isn't so bad after all. I mean it's not a fairy tale. and we can't all be cinderella destined to find a prince charming.. oh well,

i was never into the whole "princess" thing as a child anyways.
i prefered pokemon and ninja turtles!

I am happy.
I can be easily found with a smile on my face now.
Everytime i look at him i can't help but to smile. :)
He makes me so happy!

Yeah things happen that make me sad now too just like everyone else, but i try to hide those feelings and im pretty good at it.

right now i really wouldn't change anything in my life.
i love this boy
he loves me
i have really good friends.
nobody hates me anymore... at least not that i know of.
the gossip and rumors bout me have settled down.
my family is happy again.
my grades aren't too bad except i think chemistry cuz of science fair.

im overall happy, and as long as these things remain i always will be.
i love to smile and my true frineds know exactly what to do to make that happen.

<3 <3 <3 xoxoxox

(my fault?) maybe...

i kinda need to prove this to myself more than anybody but yeah i need to say it and get it off my shoulders...

i do NOT care about Will Kilgore.
i did... not anymore.
we aren't even friends anymore really.
he hardly talks to me.
and that doesn't bother me in the least.

i just still hurt about some of the things he did and said to me.
he makes me feel the way i do about myself.
he makes me scared of guys.
HE is the one who ruined me...

at times i try to forget all about him and be free.
i wanna think im pretty and fun and friendly and easy going and care free..
but then i just CANT...

i absolutely hate him for this!
i hate myself because of him!
His lies, his fake promises, and everything he broke between us is his fault but somehow he always makes it seem like mine.

it sucks but it's how it is. i wanna forget him but then everytime i screw omething up between me and michael all i think about is how he did the same.
how michael could be the same... it hurts me

but then... michael isn't the same...
he is far from being anything like will.
maybe im the one who is like will...
maybe im the crappy person in a relationship.
maybe everything was and is my fault.

"better"

i sit....
i think...
of him......
i smile and sometimes cry..
Im NOT good enough. i never will be. i want to be...
im not pretty...
not like them....
i fight.. myself mostly..
defeat those thoughts and they won't be true right?...
they ALWAYS win...

i want to be the girl that he looks at his friends and smiles saying "that's her"
but why would i be?...
im nothing special...
maybe one day i will be...
i just need to try harder...
i have to be better than a 5. NEED to be.
I LOVE HIM!!!!!
with all my heart...
a whole lot more than he could ever love me.
i know....
i've never turned my back on him... evr.
i never will...
ill always love him no matter what.

I just wish i was... better... in every aspect of the word. just "better"
I ABSOLUTELY 100% LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART MICHAEL DIAZ.
that isn't going to change...

"fall for you" - second-hand serenade

this song reminds me of michael except the girl part. haha.

screams in my ears or wispers in my brain?

ok so my whole medical condition is getting old. im tired of it!
1.
im anemic and pass out constantly. like last night i did three times.
it's like everything is there and then all of the sudden it isn't.
everything starts to spin like im on some circus ride and then black..nothing..
it's like im there physically but never more than that.Passing Out is the strangest thing. One minute you're here. Then with a cerebral flutter you're not. Part of your brain insists you're dead. Of course, you're not. Another part says it's better there, in the dark. Where, exactly, are you? Somewhere, you hear voices, urgent. Calling for you to come back.A thin beam of light calls to you. Will you reach Heaven? Brighter now, white and beautiful. You hurry in that direction. Wether it's up or down.. who knows as long as you are still moving. Your eyes acquiesce, and open to discover....you're back on earth. It wasn't a dream and it wasn't the last time. It won't ever be. Not for me. I hate this feeling, with every fiber of my being. It is something I must constantly indure.it sucks!

2.
well as of now im still unsure as to what my other medical condition is. I am finding out this friday. im kinda scared. it has to do with my stomach. my mom thinks i have acid reflux disease but my dad thinks i have an eating disorder.
???? guess we'll find out soon.

i just wish i could be normal like everyone else and not have to worry about when my next pain or attack is coming.

I love you michael and no matter what you are an AMAZING boyfriend and friend.
don't blame yourself for my pain please. you are the best!

SURPRISE!!!!

haha i want to tell you guys what im doing for michael for christmas cuz it is uber amazing and i wanna tell someone, but sometimes he reads these so i can't.
all i can say is it's AWESOME and he is gonna be so surprised. but i have to start getting the stuff for it now cuz it's so big.

i cannot wait to give it to him and see his face.

you could say that it basically shows how well i know him.
haha he isn't gonna expect this!

if you guys want to know you should come ask me cuz im dying to tell someone but you have to promise not to say a word. not that you would want to after i tell you.

nobody would even want to ruin this surprise!!!
im just so excited.

oh yeah and about today?:
bleh...
almost got in a fight haha people are too touchy. but it's all good now i think...
if not whatever.
um... i hope the band still goes to the game this friday even if it rains.
well sort of.
i wanna go cuz i miss band already and i don't cuz will is gonna be there. but i see him at church all the time so i think ill be fine.
yeah we still don't talk. idc. im over it. he can screw himself.

thats bout it for now.
love you guys <3 ~shmara

best news in almost ever!

i don't even know if i can type this cuz im so happy i am shaking and crying.

well my number one wish ever came true!
MICHAEL NATHANIEL DIAZ IS STAYING HERE IN STOCKBRIDGE GA!!!

it's funny though cuz i used to wish at 11:11 everynight and those always turned out like opposites. Then i would hold my breath and wish when we drove under a bridge in atlanta with those orange lights in it. those were the best.

well last night when we were on our way to band competition i wished with all my heart ( and breath haha ) that michael would be able to stay here with me!

today i got the news and i am happier than ever!
i can't even contain it. im smiling from ear to ear and it feels good

5 months!

5-17-08... now five months! im happier than ever.
i got my new phone! yay!
now im sitting here trying to avoid my endless hours of homework to come.

so my dad is shaving his head cuz we got 1st place yesterday at sompetition. haha this should be interesting.

you know what i wish:
1. i was smarter
2. i was pretty
3. michael wouldn't move
4. i didn't have medical problems
5. my past would stay there

yeah......too bad none of those are going to happen. :(

i think imma go back to sleep ttyl.

life is life

not much to say... normal day.

school =)
band =)
home x-/
sleep=D

bon fire sounds fun! getting a haircut tomorrow hopefully. possibly getting my new phone... if not then saturday =) finally right? haha

dad is all emo cuz band people still attacking him. i feel bad but it's like steinburg said:"those in charge get blamed for everything that goes wrong and praised for everything that goes right.."
too bad my dad still doen't even get a thanks for the things that go right. but he doesn't want that. he just wants people to see how much he does for the band and not blame him for things.

gay science fair+honors chemistry= sarah failing =(
oh well

guess thats all i gots to say for now... life is life and im living in it like everyone else. i may not be doing it perfectly but who does? Im trying and yes i mess up at times but all i can do is get back up and try again. thats all you can ask of me.
im changing and i like it! a lot! im not caring too much anymore.

almost 5 months! <3

so do you ever have the feeling that there is someone in your life you are soooo close to?

i sure do.
MICHAEL NATHANIEL DAIZ! <3

he is sooo amazing!
every single day i think "wow i really love this kid. and there is no way i can love him more than i do now."
and then every day he proves me wrong again. i love him so much more everyday!!!
he is my everything and idk what ill do without him.

im so happy everytime im with him.

my heart belongs to michael diaz and i don't want it back! ever.

life sucks

so i feel horrible.

everyone i get close to leaves.
so i found out that michael is moving in June but yesterday i found out that it might be out of the country..... if mccain gets office

i knew he was moving but it was just suppose to be to kennesaw. 48 miles away and i was suppose to still se him every weekend. this sucks!!!

then his mom says: pick two states you might want to live in.!!! michael told her Georgia.
i hate my life!
he better stay here. for my own sake.
im scared that when he leaves i will do something stupid... i NEED him!

idk what to do. i mean there is nothing i can do except let the most precious thing in my life slowly slip away....

and then jacob tells me that if michael does move then he is probably going to go live with his dad!!!

great so i loose my boyfriend and my two best friends. wow. just perfect

why my day was so great! :D

today was pretty freakin awesome!

my school won team of the week for high five sports. fox 5! wow amazing is that?!

it was so much fun....

and then we had to go back to class....hahahah

practice was ok... i was kinda upset that michael and jacob came and hour and a half late but whatever. Michael was really sweet to me today like when he hugged me for a long time and then kissed me and wispered "i love you" gah! he takes my breath away...

but what really made my day just perfect was that:

ANSLEY KENT!!!! actually smiled at me!!!!!! :D i haven't seen that smile in like months!

im happy! nobody hates me anymore! or at least nobody that i care about.

bottom line was: today was pretty effin good and no one is gonna change that.

"YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL"- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

this reminds me of T'Ana :


When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.Seasons are changing
And waves are crashingAnd stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah
Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven


~ ill always be here for you t, throught everything you go through. Yoou're my bestest friend ever. <3 forever sisters! :)

scared to love michael? not anymore... i refuse!

um so i was scared to love anyone. I was terrified to love Michael, but im doing it and im done being scared. Im scared cuz i've only loved one other person and he broke my heart... bad.
but im tired of being scared that Michael will be like him and do that to me too. I trust michael and i am going to love him with all my heart. If he does take it and break it then oh well. yeah it'll hurt pretty bad... really bad... but ill know that at least he did love, and ill still love him with all the peices! <3 he is my everything.
and idc what people think about us if they want to start rumors then let em. Idc if people think i am pregnant or whatever. LET THEM. it doesn't matter to me you matter to me and we know the truth and if anyone wanted to know the truth they can ask me. Im not going to lie. ill tell you exactly how it is.
5-17-08... almost five months baby! you're the best! MWAH! xoxoxo

i joined!

so a lot of my friends have these things so i thought id join. it pretty cool. like an online diary hahaha
um i guess those that know me would say im not the best friend... and im not. i suck!
cuz whenevr my boyfriend is around i completely ignore them... i just really like spenidin time with him. :(
my bestest friend in the whole world is T'ANA MAREE' RICK-BOEH!!!!!
she is amazing.
MICHAEL NATHANIEL DIAZ is my everything! this boy makes me sooo happy...most of the time anyways!
and then there is JACOB TAYLOR BRASWELL! he is great. he can make anyone laugh!
i do miss my old friends most of the time but it's whatever i guess. idk it's life which sucks and gossip sucks and drama, and i guess a lot of people think i start drama but i don't really or at least i don't try to. I just get stuck in the middle of it a lot... :( im a bad person. sorry :((((