screams in my ears or wispers in my brain?

ok so my whole medical condition is getting old. im tired of it!
1.
im anemic and pass out constantly. like last night i did three times.
it's like everything is there and then all of the sudden it isn't.
everything starts to spin like im on some circus ride and then black..nothing..
it's like im there physically but never more than that.Passing Out is the strangest thing. One minute you're here. Then with a cerebral flutter you're not. Part of your brain insists you're dead. Of course, you're not. Another part says it's better there, in the dark. Where, exactly, are you? Somewhere, you hear voices, urgent. Calling for you to come back.A thin beam of light calls to you. Will you reach Heaven? Brighter now, white and beautiful. You hurry in that direction. Wether it's up or down.. who knows as long as you are still moving. Your eyes acquiesce, and open to discover....you're back on earth. It wasn't a dream and it wasn't the last time. It won't ever be. Not for me. I hate this feeling, with every fiber of my being. It is something I must constantly indure.it sucks!

2.
well as of now im still unsure as to what my other medical condition is. I am finding out this friday. im kinda scared. it has to do with my stomach. my mom thinks i have acid reflux disease but my dad thinks i have an eating disorder.
???? guess we'll find out soon.

i just wish i could be normal like everyone else and not have to worry about when my next pain or attack is coming.

I love you michael and no matter what you are an AMAZING boyfriend and friend.
don't blame yourself for my pain please. you are the best!