? TABS ?

so...
have you ever felt that your boyfriend is ashamed of you?

i have. i think im being stupid though. he's not a bad boyfriend. he's the best boyfriend iv'e ever had and i couldnt or wouldnt ask for anyone else.

sometimes i just get the feeling that maybe he doesnt like me as much as i thought or want.

ex: i wont tell everyone what it means cuz its special to me but i gave him my tab today. and never got my kiss. :(
he wont kiss me, or hug me after 5th period or right before 6th. after soccer he hugged me goodbye but then i still got no kiss. He knew i was already upset but didnt try to make me happier like usual. I wonder if it's cuz there were people behind us and he didnt want them to see. :(

i wanna be with him. i REALLY want to be with him. if i didnt i could have left him when he liked her. :' ( oh god, i've done it now. i just hurt myself again. everytime i think about that day it kills me. i didnt eat, i didnt sleep, i had no medicine and i got what i asked for.
paramedics surrounding my body and ,me unconcious.
where was he? i dont know. just not there. with me.

My body cannot stand to be without him. it hurts so bad, i can hardly breath sometimes. the pain in my stomach overtakes me, i get so weak, and then everything goes black.
I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. he makes me smile. and he knows me so well. he see's through the mask that i constantly wear. if i say im fine he knows im lying. how? i dont know. nobody else does. he just KNOWS.

my boyfriend is amazing and i love him with every single bit of my heart.
i'll never leave him even when he hurts me. i never left him and i never will. i hope he sees it this way too. i want him to love me.
i know he does. i just wish he would show me that he does.

not show me like being alone show me, but SHOW me. by the little things he does. alone and in public. just to be mine and not hide it. i want him to be proud to be my boyfriend. =/